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Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Chasing Rabbits And Herding Cats
If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.
- Unknown Author
- Unknown Author
This has been the story of my life the past few weeks. I've written about it on here before, and thankfully things have slowed down quite a bit since that morning when I drove off without my daughter.
Sadly, I realized the other day that Little W is 6 months old. Six months. Half of her first year of life has already passed me by. The time when she will change the most, grow the most, has already happened. It went so quickly, and I don't feel like I really got the chance to enjoy it.
I desperately want to roll the clock back and trade all those stupid PTA meetings and events for more time with her. All the waisted hours making phone calls instead of just sitting and enjoying nursing her or just holding her.
I knew it would go fast. I knew I wouldn't remember everything, and yet, I still didn't manage to find the time to take more pictures or videos of her. Other than a few very dark pictures from the day she was born, I really don't have any pictures of her and I together as a newborn.
I feel pretty lucky that this time around I've managed to hold the PPD at bay, but I find myself wondering if it isn't starting to creep in. I also wonder if my heart is trying to talk my brain into a third baby, something that just isn't in the cards.
I think I'm having such a hard time with Little W growing up because I know that she will be the last baby I nurse, the last baby I snuggle and coo to that is just mine. Someday I'll have grandbabies (probably), but that's different.
I had difficulty coming to terms with my pregnancy when I was carrying Little W. I found myself wishing everything away. I was so busy worrying about how it was all going to work out that I missed out on the joy. I didn't take the time to just stop and enjoy the feeling of life growing inside me. Now I look back and think, "What I wouldn't give to have just one more day of my pregnancy back."
This is all new emotional ground for me. With The Angry Midget, I didn't have all these regrets, I didn't have the sense of loss as she grew older. For a long time I planned to have more children, and I figured that if I missed something, there was always the next one. I think some of that might have been the PPD talking. It made it hard for me to connect with The Angry Midget, and it made it really hard to feel anything in general.
Now I know that this is my last shot, and I don't want to miss anything.
But I've already missed six months.
Sadly, I realized the other day that Little W is 6 months old. Six months. Half of her first year of life has already passed me by. The time when she will change the most, grow the most, has already happened. It went so quickly, and I don't feel like I really got the chance to enjoy it.
I desperately want to roll the clock back and trade all those stupid PTA meetings and events for more time with her. All the waisted hours making phone calls instead of just sitting and enjoying nursing her or just holding her.
I knew it would go fast. I knew I wouldn't remember everything, and yet, I still didn't manage to find the time to take more pictures or videos of her. Other than a few very dark pictures from the day she was born, I really don't have any pictures of her and I together as a newborn.
I feel pretty lucky that this time around I've managed to hold the PPD at bay, but I find myself wondering if it isn't starting to creep in. I also wonder if my heart is trying to talk my brain into a third baby, something that just isn't in the cards.
I think I'm having such a hard time with Little W growing up because I know that she will be the last baby I nurse, the last baby I snuggle and coo to that is just mine. Someday I'll have grandbabies (probably), but that's different.
I had difficulty coming to terms with my pregnancy when I was carrying Little W. I found myself wishing everything away. I was so busy worrying about how it was all going to work out that I missed out on the joy. I didn't take the time to just stop and enjoy the feeling of life growing inside me. Now I look back and think, "What I wouldn't give to have just one more day of my pregnancy back."
This is all new emotional ground for me. With The Angry Midget, I didn't have all these regrets, I didn't have the sense of loss as she grew older. For a long time I planned to have more children, and I figured that if I missed something, there was always the next one. I think some of that might have been the PPD talking. It made it hard for me to connect with The Angry Midget, and it made it really hard to feel anything in general.
Now I know that this is my last shot, and I don't want to miss anything.
But I've already missed six months.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Good News and Bad News
I can't be the only person who dislikes the phrase "I have good news, and I have bad news." Because really, the good news is so often overshadowed by the bad news. It's not like "Hey, the bad news is we didn't win $1,000 in the lottery, the good news is we won $1,000,000." No, it's more like, "Well, the good news is we don't have to take your kidney out, but the bad news is we do have to take your liver."
That's the type of good news/bad news I got today. Not for me personally, but for my husband.
He had been having pains when he ate for a while now, and after getting very sick about three weeks ago, he finally went to the doctor. They had some concerns about his gallbladder, so they did some blood work, which lead them to wanting an ultrasound because of elevated levels of something that I can't remember (though I think it dealt with his liver).
The appointment was made, and in the mean time, he started having extreme stabbing pains in his abdomen. The nurse's suggestions for a solution were less than helpful for relieving the pain, and while waiting to hear back about the ultrasound, R did a little online diagnosing (something I do not recommend), and came to the conclusion that he possibly had a gallstone.
The ultrasound results came back that his gallbladder was ok, and (I'm guessing here since he didn't specifically say) there was no gallstone -- good news. However, his liver is enlarged, and that's why he's having the pain -- bad news.
So, my husband who loves bacon, sausage, 70/30 ground beef, frying things in bacon fat, tenderloins, and all things unhealthy is now on a low fat/no fat diet. He has to eat chicken (skinless), he has to eat fish once a week (not battered and fried either), and he has to eat vegetarian once a week (no I can't fry his tofu in bacon grease). He also has to drastically increase his fruit and vegetable intake, and canned doesn't count.
The part that I'm ashamed of: I'm glad he has to do this. I don't like bacon, I prefer 93/7 beef, I like chicken and fish. I don't cook them as often as I would like because I get grumblings from him when I buy those things at the store. Also, I think this is the perfect time to switch to ground turkey in place of beef.
Now, here's where you all come in. I need some help with recipes. I need easy, fast, tasty and inexpensive low/no fat, fish, vegetarian, turkey, and chicken recipes. If you know some good reliable sites, please put a link in the comments. If you have a personal favorite, put it in the comments. If you just want to laugh Nelson Style (HA-ha) at the Iowa farm boy who has to go lean, please, put it in the comments.
That's the type of good news/bad news I got today. Not for me personally, but for my husband.
He had been having pains when he ate for a while now, and after getting very sick about three weeks ago, he finally went to the doctor. They had some concerns about his gallbladder, so they did some blood work, which lead them to wanting an ultrasound because of elevated levels of something that I can't remember (though I think it dealt with his liver).
The appointment was made, and in the mean time, he started having extreme stabbing pains in his abdomen. The nurse's suggestions for a solution were less than helpful for relieving the pain, and while waiting to hear back about the ultrasound, R did a little online diagnosing (something I do not recommend), and came to the conclusion that he possibly had a gallstone.
The ultrasound results came back that his gallbladder was ok, and (I'm guessing here since he didn't specifically say) there was no gallstone -- good news. However, his liver is enlarged, and that's why he's having the pain -- bad news.
So, my husband who loves bacon, sausage, 70/30 ground beef, frying things in bacon fat, tenderloins, and all things unhealthy is now on a low fat/no fat diet. He has to eat chicken (skinless), he has to eat fish once a week (not battered and fried either), and he has to eat vegetarian once a week (no I can't fry his tofu in bacon grease). He also has to drastically increase his fruit and vegetable intake, and canned doesn't count.
The part that I'm ashamed of: I'm glad he has to do this. I don't like bacon, I prefer 93/7 beef, I like chicken and fish. I don't cook them as often as I would like because I get grumblings from him when I buy those things at the store. Also, I think this is the perfect time to switch to ground turkey in place of beef.
Now, here's where you all come in. I need some help with recipes. I need easy, fast, tasty and inexpensive low/no fat, fish, vegetarian, turkey, and chicken recipes. If you know some good reliable sites, please put a link in the comments. If you have a personal favorite, put it in the comments. If you just want to laugh Nelson Style (HA-ha) at the Iowa farm boy who has to go lean, please, put it in the comments.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Too Messy
I've found a new blog, and I'm in love. Aiming Low: Perfectly Mediocre is a site with guest bloggers, and they are normal everyday people who aren't perfect, and don't claim to be. It's AWESOME!! I don't feel crappy about myself after I've read a post there. If anything, I think, "Wow, I'm so glad I'm not the only one." Then I heave a great sigh of relief, and go back to my never ending, seemingly always growing list of chores.
Right now, they have a challenge running, Capture It-Too Messy. Basically, they want to see your mess. For me, this was hard. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I couldn't decide which cluttered surface, or pile 'o junk to take a picture of.
Right now, they have a challenge running, Capture It-Too Messy. Basically, they want to see your mess. For me, this was hard. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I couldn't decide which cluttered surface, or pile 'o junk to take a picture of.
I settled on The Angry Midget's room.
Play is hard work, but cleaning is "too hard".
So, that's my submission for the challenge. It's going from the 20-27th of May, so if you'd like to share your mess, hop on over to Aiming Low, and add your image to the linky.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
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