Tuesday, January 3, 2012

An Open Letter To Rick Santorum

The following is an open letter to Rick Santorum:
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For the past week, you have been staying at the HGI in Urbandale, IA. My husband is the chef there, and he has been cooking you breakfast every day. Breakfast that you have been stealing.

Yeah, that's right, you've been STEALING it. Breakfast at the HGI is not free, Mr. Santorum. Your refusal to pay is the same as dining and dashing, and it also has a direct impact on the economy of Iowa. How's that you ask? Please allow me to break it down for you.

You, Mr. Santorum, don't pay for your meal >> the cost of that stolen food raises my husband's food cost percentage >> as his food cost percentage rises, his bonus amount falls >> as his bonus shrinks, our ability to pay bills or return money to the local economy suffers >> restricted cash flow to the local economy causes loss of jobs and skyrocketing unemployment rates. All because you couldn't slap down a few bucks.

Way to help protect jobs and lower the unemployment rate.

So, just to recap: Rick Santorum doesn't want to shell out $8 for breakfast which leads to massive unemployment, poverty,general despair, and (eventually) anarchy for Iowa and it's residents.

Thanks Rick. Hope you remember that next time you climb on to that multi-million dollar mansion on wheels you've been riding around in.

I love that he parks his rolling mansion right out front taking up six spots for the bus and a seventh for the white van that's also part of his circus. Makes it hard for other hotel guests to get a decent spot when you do that Rick.

And just a little tip for future reference, a signed 8x10 glossy is not an acceptable tip for the Hispanic immigrant waitress who kept your coffee cup full while you shoveled pilfered eggs and hash browns into your gullet you pompous, arrogant fuck. She had no idea who you were, and that picture isn't going to feed her kids or pay her rent.

He is, however, a clown.
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Rick Santorum may not actually be the anti-Christ, nor is it likely that he will single-handedly bring about full on anarchy (though I have heard he's lobbying hard for the Apocalypse.)

Also, this is my own humble personal opinion, and in no way reflects the opinions of my husband, the HGI Johnston, or any of it's employees.