Hello Blog. You are looking well. You look almost the same as when we last met more than three years ago. It's comforting that you have held up so well.
Yes, it has been a long time. Much has happened. Birthdays, anniversaries, new friends, new jobs, new pastimes, new photos. So many photos...
I feel a little bad that I've let you languish for so long, abandoned through no fault of your own. It feels good to be here now, writing. I haven't done that in a long time.
I've missed it, and I haven't. Have you missed me? Nevermind, don't answer. I'd rather not know the truth.
I know I only just arrived, but I need to move along now. I'll come back again.
Hopefully sooner than this time.
No promises though.
Showing posts with label Family Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Life. Show all posts
Sunday, April 8, 2018
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Silent Sunday
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Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
I Must Be Crazy
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is ready, we shall never begin.- Ivan Turgenev, novelist, poet, playwright
This quote spoke to me on a number of levels. As a writer, it reminded me that I need to just sit down and write, or I'll never get my stories out of my head. As a mother, it reminded that life isn't going to wait, it's going to carry on with or without me.
Yesterday, I was cleaning out Danger Baby's closet, packing up the outfits she has finally out-grown, and getting some of the warmer clothes moved to the front to prepare for the shifting seasons. As I sifted through the tiny dresses hanging in her closet, I came across the one her sister wore home from the hospital more than seven years ago.
A white and pink sleeveless dress with little tiny pink rosebuds embroidered on it. I remembered waiting in my hospital room for my husband to return from the store with something for our little girl to wear. His mother was concerned that I was letting him chose our daughter's outfit, but I had complete faith in him. He didn't let me down. The Angry Midget had her hospital mugshot taken in that dress, and wore it several times once she was home as well. Fast forward a few years, and I had another little girl to share that dress with. Danger Baby wore it a handful of times and looked just as cute in it as her sister did all those years before.
When I packed that dress up the first time, I was a little sad because my baby was growing up, but I carefully put it away with the intention of getting it back out in a few years for my next baby. When I folded up that little pink and white dress yesterday, it was with a much heavier heart. I didn't pack it away with the intention of seeing it again in a few years, I packed it away in a special box for long term storage.
When The Angry Midget was little, every milestone was greeted with joy and excitement. I was a little sad that my baby was growing up, but I knew that there would be more babies, and that I would get to enjoy the stages that were being left behind all over again with another little person some day. After six years had passed, and we were still a one child home, I brought myself to terms with the fact that that was all the more we were ever going to have. Relief was among my primary emotions at this realization. The birth didn't go well, and I was, quite frankly, not looking forward to ever going through that again.
I had a hard time with Midget's first day of Kindergarten. She really wasn't my baby any more. I had a pang of regret that I hadn't focused more on her milestones, and really enjoyed and reveled in them. I regretted my "First of Many" attitude. Even if we would have had more, each child is different.
Then in March of last year everything was turned on its ear. I was pregnant again, and I was less than thrilled about it. Eventually, I came around and now I have not one but two beautiful little girls that I talk about all the time. That pregnancy was the best worst thing that ever could have happened. It brought my husband and I closer together. It strengthened our relationship. It helped him realize that I needed him to step up his parenting game and help me out a lot more.
The birth of my second daughter also helped heal some of my own wounds from my first daughter's birth. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't exactly how I wanted it to be, but it was still wonderful and I'm glad I had the chance to try again. I'm also very sure that I don't ever want to go through that process again. So sure in fact, that R and I have been discussing permanent pregnancy prevention (I'm of the opinion that since I've had two surgeries, it's his turn, but he's not convinced yet.)
At lest I thought I was sure.
At lest I thought I was sure.
Now that Danger Baby is growing up, and reaching all her milestones, I'm trying to just live in the moment and enjoy every stage as she masters it. Unlike last time, I know this time that she is our last baby, and I'm really sad about that. So sad, that I'm actually considering another baby.
Yes, I think I may in fact be crazy. I'm considering another baby. But if we have another, I would want to wait about four more years. This poses a lot of problems. My age as well as R's age primarily. Four years from now I will be 37 and R will be 49. That's pretty old to be having a baby. Of course, it's probably just hormones making me think I want another baby, and who knows how I'll feel next month or next year, much less four years from now.
For now, I'll just try to enjoy every moment with Danger Baby and The Angry Midget, because as I've already learned, you never really know where life is going to take you, or what it's going to give you along the way.
Yes, I think I may in fact be crazy. I'm considering another baby. But if we have another, I would want to wait about four more years. This poses a lot of problems. My age as well as R's age primarily. Four years from now I will be 37 and R will be 49. That's pretty old to be having a baby. Of course, it's probably just hormones making me think I want another baby, and who knows how I'll feel next month or next year, much less four years from now.
For now, I'll just try to enjoy every moment with Danger Baby and The Angry Midget, because as I've already learned, you never really know where life is going to take you, or what it's going to give you along the way.
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| The Man, The Angry Midget and Danger Baby |
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Review of My Memories Suite Digital Scrapbooking Software and Giveaway
Hello!
This week I have been test driving the My Memories Suite Digital Scrapbooking Software. I have posted a few "sneak peeks" of what the software can do throughout the week, and as promised, here is the review. Stay tuned because there is also a giveaway!
The primary function of the My Memories Digital Scrapbooking Software seems to be creating digital scrapbook pages, as the name would imply. However, the software has more to offer. You can add video to your pages. Have music playing in the background, thus creating a slideshow movie, and you can also have your pages professionally bound into a book or made into a calendar. You can also export your pages direct to DVD, to an iPod, as an interactive album, or make it into a movie. One thing to note, when you burn direct to DVD, any hot spot video or sound that you have added will be disabled.
I found working from the templates easier than trying to build completely from scratch. Unlike with traditional scrapbooking, I found it hard to get all the elements to line up and fit the way I wanted them to, so after a frustrating hour and having only one page to show for it, I went back to the ready-for-photos templates to create this last post.
I've chosen the movie option to share this album with you.
This is the video uploaded straight from my computer. Since not everyone has a blog, I also posted it to YouTube, so you could see just how easy it is to share your video album. You can go here to see what it looks like on YouTube.
In this format, the video I added is still enabled, but I would recommend increasing the amount of time on each page from the default 5 seconds. This video was created using the computer quality option. It is kind of gritty and pixelated, and it's hard to see the images. There is also a web option, but that option states that it would be a medium quality (lower than this setting) smaller image playback.
I also created a second copy of the album still using the movie option, but I went with the DVD quality instead of the computer quality, and I increased the page view time to 10 seconds (the max. allowable time) to see if it made a difference when loading it to YouTube. You can see that version here, or just watch it below.
The upload time was significantly longer for the DVD quality video as compared to the computer version, but well worth the wait.
A few things to keep in mind:
1.) When you download the Digital Scrapbooking Software, a dialogue box pops up and tells you to turn off sleep mode. I have no idea how to do this, so I just ignored the advice and moved on. I would not recommend that you do the same. I had planned to stay by my computer and make sure it didn't switch to sleep, but things didn't work out as planned. The download stopped at 73% and I had to start over.
2.) The download takes a while. we are using 1.5MB DSL and it took about an hour for it to download completely. Once it's downloaded, it installs really quickly, though.
3.) I had some issues with the text editor. Ok, I had a lot of issues with the text editor. Maybe it was just me, but I found it very frustrating. Mostly I had problems with the formatting portion of the text editor when trying to change the font or size of text, and it seemed that the more I used the "undo" feature, the worse it got. This might be because I'm using Windows 7, and it doesn't always like to play nice.
Now for the fun part!
My Memories is allowing me to give away a copy of their Digital Scrapbooking Software FREE!!
Here's how to enter:
Mandatory Entries:
First, you need to subscribe to my blog. It's real easy. Over on the right there are a few options (follow by e-mail, follow on Google Friend Connect, or subscribe to posts) chose one and leave me a comment telling me how you are following. Be sure to leave your e-mail so I can let you know if you win.
Second, go to the My Memories site and check out their neat kits. Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite kit/paper pack/template is, and you'll be entered again. Be sure to leave your e-mail address in your comment so I can contact you if you win.
Want more chances to win? Of course you do! For each of the following items, you get another entry into the drawing:
1.) Go to My Memories blog and subscribe or follow them. Leave me a comment letting me know how you are following.
2.) Like My Memories on Facebook. Leave me a comment with your Facebook name so I can find you.
3.) Follow My Memories on Twitter. Leave me a comment with your Twitter handle so I can find you.
4.) Follow me on Twitter. Leave me a comment with your Twitter handle so I know you're a real person and not a spambot.
So there you have it. Six possible tickets in the drawing if you take advantage of all the options.
Since this is my first giveaway, I'm not sure how long I should leave the entry window open for. How about a week? I'll allow entries until 9 am CST on Sunday, September 11, 2011. I'll draw a random winner from all eligible entries on Sunday, and post the winner's name on my blog as well as contacting them by e-mail.
Contest Extended!!
Drawing will be held on Saturday, Sept. 17, 2011.
BONUS!
If you aren't patient enough to wait for the drawing to end, and you want to purchase the My Memories Suite Digital Scrapbooking Software now, you can save $10.00 when you use this coupon code: STMMMS11009. Just copy and paste it into your cart at check-out.
Also, when you purchase the My Memories Suite Digital Scrapbooking Software, you get a coupon code in your receipt e-mail for $10.00 off anything on the My Memories site.
GOOD LUCK!!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Happy Birthday
Today would have been my brother's 31st birthday.
He died nearly two and a half years ago, and I still miss him. I still get that horrible tightness in my chest and the, now familiar, sting in my eyes every time I see a picture of him or think about him.
I've stopped asking when that will go away. I don't think it ever will.
I can't change what happened. I can't go back in time and call him more often or take his keys away. So I do the only thing I can. I remember him.
He died nearly two and a half years ago, and I still miss him. I still get that horrible tightness in my chest and the, now familiar, sting in my eyes every time I see a picture of him or think about him.
I've stopped asking when that will go away. I don't think it ever will.
I can't change what happened. I can't go back in time and call him more often or take his keys away. So I do the only thing I can. I remember him.
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| Calvin with my oldest daughter (his niece) Makaya in August 2004 |
Calvin William Allen Skinner
August 11, 1980 - April 17, 2009
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Chasing Rabbits And Herding Cats
If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.
- Unknown Author
- Unknown Author
This has been the story of my life the past few weeks. I've written about it on here before, and thankfully things have slowed down quite a bit since that morning when I drove off without my daughter.
Sadly, I realized the other day that Little W is 6 months old. Six months. Half of her first year of life has already passed me by. The time when she will change the most, grow the most, has already happened. It went so quickly, and I don't feel like I really got the chance to enjoy it.
I desperately want to roll the clock back and trade all those stupid PTA meetings and events for more time with her. All the waisted hours making phone calls instead of just sitting and enjoying nursing her or just holding her.
I knew it would go fast. I knew I wouldn't remember everything, and yet, I still didn't manage to find the time to take more pictures or videos of her. Other than a few very dark pictures from the day she was born, I really don't have any pictures of her and I together as a newborn.
I feel pretty lucky that this time around I've managed to hold the PPD at bay, but I find myself wondering if it isn't starting to creep in. I also wonder if my heart is trying to talk my brain into a third baby, something that just isn't in the cards.
I think I'm having such a hard time with Little W growing up because I know that she will be the last baby I nurse, the last baby I snuggle and coo to that is just mine. Someday I'll have grandbabies (probably), but that's different.
I had difficulty coming to terms with my pregnancy when I was carrying Little W. I found myself wishing everything away. I was so busy worrying about how it was all going to work out that I missed out on the joy. I didn't take the time to just stop and enjoy the feeling of life growing inside me. Now I look back and think, "What I wouldn't give to have just one more day of my pregnancy back."
This is all new emotional ground for me. With The Angry Midget, I didn't have all these regrets, I didn't have the sense of loss as she grew older. For a long time I planned to have more children, and I figured that if I missed something, there was always the next one. I think some of that might have been the PPD talking. It made it hard for me to connect with The Angry Midget, and it made it really hard to feel anything in general.
Now I know that this is my last shot, and I don't want to miss anything.
But I've already missed six months.
Sadly, I realized the other day that Little W is 6 months old. Six months. Half of her first year of life has already passed me by. The time when she will change the most, grow the most, has already happened. It went so quickly, and I don't feel like I really got the chance to enjoy it.
I desperately want to roll the clock back and trade all those stupid PTA meetings and events for more time with her. All the waisted hours making phone calls instead of just sitting and enjoying nursing her or just holding her.
I knew it would go fast. I knew I wouldn't remember everything, and yet, I still didn't manage to find the time to take more pictures or videos of her. Other than a few very dark pictures from the day she was born, I really don't have any pictures of her and I together as a newborn.
I feel pretty lucky that this time around I've managed to hold the PPD at bay, but I find myself wondering if it isn't starting to creep in. I also wonder if my heart is trying to talk my brain into a third baby, something that just isn't in the cards.
I think I'm having such a hard time with Little W growing up because I know that she will be the last baby I nurse, the last baby I snuggle and coo to that is just mine. Someday I'll have grandbabies (probably), but that's different.
I had difficulty coming to terms with my pregnancy when I was carrying Little W. I found myself wishing everything away. I was so busy worrying about how it was all going to work out that I missed out on the joy. I didn't take the time to just stop and enjoy the feeling of life growing inside me. Now I look back and think, "What I wouldn't give to have just one more day of my pregnancy back."
This is all new emotional ground for me. With The Angry Midget, I didn't have all these regrets, I didn't have the sense of loss as she grew older. For a long time I planned to have more children, and I figured that if I missed something, there was always the next one. I think some of that might have been the PPD talking. It made it hard for me to connect with The Angry Midget, and it made it really hard to feel anything in general.
Now I know that this is my last shot, and I don't want to miss anything.
But I've already missed six months.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Good News and Bad News
I can't be the only person who dislikes the phrase "I have good news, and I have bad news." Because really, the good news is so often overshadowed by the bad news. It's not like "Hey, the bad news is we didn't win $1,000 in the lottery, the good news is we won $1,000,000." No, it's more like, "Well, the good news is we don't have to take your kidney out, but the bad news is we do have to take your liver."
That's the type of good news/bad news I got today. Not for me personally, but for my husband.
He had been having pains when he ate for a while now, and after getting very sick about three weeks ago, he finally went to the doctor. They had some concerns about his gallbladder, so they did some blood work, which lead them to wanting an ultrasound because of elevated levels of something that I can't remember (though I think it dealt with his liver).
The appointment was made, and in the mean time, he started having extreme stabbing pains in his abdomen. The nurse's suggestions for a solution were less than helpful for relieving the pain, and while waiting to hear back about the ultrasound, R did a little online diagnosing (something I do not recommend), and came to the conclusion that he possibly had a gallstone.
The ultrasound results came back that his gallbladder was ok, and (I'm guessing here since he didn't specifically say) there was no gallstone -- good news. However, his liver is enlarged, and that's why he's having the pain -- bad news.
So, my husband who loves bacon, sausage, 70/30 ground beef, frying things in bacon fat, tenderloins, and all things unhealthy is now on a low fat/no fat diet. He has to eat chicken (skinless), he has to eat fish once a week (not battered and fried either), and he has to eat vegetarian once a week (no I can't fry his tofu in bacon grease). He also has to drastically increase his fruit and vegetable intake, and canned doesn't count.
The part that I'm ashamed of: I'm glad he has to do this. I don't like bacon, I prefer 93/7 beef, I like chicken and fish. I don't cook them as often as I would like because I get grumblings from him when I buy those things at the store. Also, I think this is the perfect time to switch to ground turkey in place of beef.
Now, here's where you all come in. I need some help with recipes. I need easy, fast, tasty and inexpensive low/no fat, fish, vegetarian, turkey, and chicken recipes. If you know some good reliable sites, please put a link in the comments. If you have a personal favorite, put it in the comments. If you just want to laugh Nelson Style (HA-ha) at the Iowa farm boy who has to go lean, please, put it in the comments.
That's the type of good news/bad news I got today. Not for me personally, but for my husband.
He had been having pains when he ate for a while now, and after getting very sick about three weeks ago, he finally went to the doctor. They had some concerns about his gallbladder, so they did some blood work, which lead them to wanting an ultrasound because of elevated levels of something that I can't remember (though I think it dealt with his liver).
The appointment was made, and in the mean time, he started having extreme stabbing pains in his abdomen. The nurse's suggestions for a solution were less than helpful for relieving the pain, and while waiting to hear back about the ultrasound, R did a little online diagnosing (something I do not recommend), and came to the conclusion that he possibly had a gallstone.
The ultrasound results came back that his gallbladder was ok, and (I'm guessing here since he didn't specifically say) there was no gallstone -- good news. However, his liver is enlarged, and that's why he's having the pain -- bad news.
So, my husband who loves bacon, sausage, 70/30 ground beef, frying things in bacon fat, tenderloins, and all things unhealthy is now on a low fat/no fat diet. He has to eat chicken (skinless), he has to eat fish once a week (not battered and fried either), and he has to eat vegetarian once a week (no I can't fry his tofu in bacon grease). He also has to drastically increase his fruit and vegetable intake, and canned doesn't count.
The part that I'm ashamed of: I'm glad he has to do this. I don't like bacon, I prefer 93/7 beef, I like chicken and fish. I don't cook them as often as I would like because I get grumblings from him when I buy those things at the store. Also, I think this is the perfect time to switch to ground turkey in place of beef.
Now, here's where you all come in. I need some help with recipes. I need easy, fast, tasty and inexpensive low/no fat, fish, vegetarian, turkey, and chicken recipes. If you know some good reliable sites, please put a link in the comments. If you have a personal favorite, put it in the comments. If you just want to laugh Nelson Style (HA-ha) at the Iowa farm boy who has to go lean, please, put it in the comments.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Too Messy
I've found a new blog, and I'm in love. Aiming Low: Perfectly Mediocre is a site with guest bloggers, and they are normal everyday people who aren't perfect, and don't claim to be. It's AWESOME!! I don't feel crappy about myself after I've read a post there. If anything, I think, "Wow, I'm so glad I'm not the only one." Then I heave a great sigh of relief, and go back to my never ending, seemingly always growing list of chores.
Right now, they have a challenge running, Capture It-Too Messy. Basically, they want to see your mess. For me, this was hard. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I couldn't decide which cluttered surface, or pile 'o junk to take a picture of.
Right now, they have a challenge running, Capture It-Too Messy. Basically, they want to see your mess. For me, this was hard. Not because I didn't want to share, but because I couldn't decide which cluttered surface, or pile 'o junk to take a picture of.
I settled on The Angry Midget's room.
Play is hard work, but cleaning is "too hard".
So, that's my submission for the challenge. It's going from the 20-27th of May, so if you'd like to share your mess, hop on over to Aiming Low, and add your image to the linky.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Time: Can I have some now, please?
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.I have been trying to finish a post that I started almost two months ago, but every time I sit down to work on it, something happens, and I'm pulled away. It seems like there just isn't enough time to do what needs to be done. There isn't enough mom to go around.
- John Burroughs, essayist and naturalist
This week is staff appreciation week at my daughter's school. The 3rd VP PTA Board position is in charge of fundraising and Staff Week.
I'm the 3rd VP.
It has been no secret with my family that I have found being on the PTA Board very stressful. Add to that the fact that I gave birth this school year and have been dealing with breastfeeding issues, a slow growing baby, a six year old who is suddenly acting out at school and at home, a husband who is in danger of losing his job (which means no insurance, or income for our family) and has been sick off and on for more than two months, a furnace that's trying to kill us, and the ever increasing cost of everything but no increase in paycheck size dilemma that most families are facing these days, and you get a very stressed Mama.
This week it seems to all be coming to a head.
We got the furnace fixed, so it won't kill us in our sleep. The down side is I had to use the money set aside for getting us significantly out of debt to do it.
After some drama, the second to last fundraiser is finally behind me (I hope).
Staff appreciation week had a bit of a rough start, but I think things are smoothing out.
My husband's job is no more secure than it was before. That still makes me a little ill when I think about it, so I just try not to. It's not exactly the "Ostrich Approach" but it's working for now (mostly).
Then Monday night happened.
Ahhh, Monday...
Monday my husband came home from work early. He never does that. Ever. It doesn't matter how horrible he feels, he toughs it out to the end of his shift. He asked me to call the doctor in the morning. This is also very out of character for him, so I knew he was really bad off. At the appointment, the student doctor writes it off as a 24 hour bug, and is ready to let him out the door. Then the ARNP comes in and starts talking to him. She does a physical exam, palpating his abdomen, and tells him that she wants to do blood work because she's concerned it's his gallbladder. Initial results come back that there is no sign of infection of any kind, so that rules out food poisoning and 24 hour virus. More signs that point to a gallbladder issue.
We are supposed to hear back today about his blood work, and if further testing will be required.
Yesterday, in the doctor's office, I was fine with this. It was no big deal, everything would work out ok. Now, 24 hours later, it's a different story.
I've had to wait for blood work results before. Hundreds of times. I've been impatient, because I needed a Rx refill. I've been nervous because my baby's health was at stake.
I've never had this feeling before though.
I don't even know what it is.
But I have a suspicion it's fear.
Deep down, I know everything will be ok. No matter what the results are, I know it will all work out. But...
But then there's that voice that pipes up every once in a while that says, "Not always, not always."
So, that's where I'm at today.
Waiting.
Waiting for someone else's blood work to come back.
Waiting to hear, "It will all work out."
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